Best: It was a lesson I got as a fresh grad. I was losing sleep over stress from work. "This is just a job," an older colleague told me. In reality, he really did his job -- he was always on time, his code was impeccable, and he used cool logic to solve any problem. And yet, he was never too emotionally attached to work. He always welcomed criticism of his work. He had the demeanor of a cool-headed hitman finishing his job. At the same time, he was a warm human being to his colleagues, including me.
Worst: A conversation with this boss-colleague of mine would go like this:
Me: There was an urgent bug yesterday, and I fixed it.
Him: That bug was within my major commit last month. Did you fix the bug because you think I am incompetent and can't fix the bug myself?
Me: Oh, no, it was an urgent bug ticket submitted to our team, so I went ahead and fixed it.
Him: So you are saying I am useless to the team.
Me: No-no, I don't think you are useless. Quite to the contrary. You were busy doing another ticket yesterday. You know what, maybe you are right, and I should have waited and reconsidered before I fixed the bug.
Him: Oh yeah? You are being passive-aggressive now. Your behavior is very toxic and is disruptive to our team dynamics.
Me: I am sorry you see it that way. Could you tell me what I could have done differe...
Him: I am downgrading your performance review, and you would be getting a lower discretionary bonus this year.
This ended up costing me a five-figure bonus deduction.
Since then, after rising through ranks, I too became a team manager. Thanks to this lesson, I know how not to treat my team members.
Worst: A conversation with this boss-colleague of mine would go like this:
Me: There was an urgent bug yesterday, and I fixed it.
Him: That bug was within my major commit last month. Did you fix the bug because you think I am incompetent and can't fix the bug myself?
Me: Oh, no, it was an urgent bug ticket submitted to our team, so I went ahead and fixed it.
Him: So you are saying I am useless to the team.
Me: No-no, I don't think you are useless. Quite to the contrary. You were busy doing another ticket yesterday. You know what, maybe you are right, and I should have waited and reconsidered before I fixed the bug.
Him: Oh yeah? You are being passive-aggressive now. Your behavior is very toxic and is disruptive to our team dynamics.
Me: I am sorry you see it that way. Could you tell me what I could have done differe...
Him: I am downgrading your performance review, and you would be getting a lower discretionary bonus this year.
This ended up costing me a five-figure bonus deduction.
Since then, after rising through ranks, I too became a team manager. Thanks to this lesson, I know how not to treat my team members.