Comment by _alex_

You need to spend some time on mental health. if you need help, get help. either stay at your current job or take a new job that you can get now. in either case you need to figure out how to deal with stress and how to value yourself. if you really are going to self harm when you struggle on a freaking leetcode problem, how do you think it’s going to be if you actually get the job you’re aiming for and it’s hard every day?