Summary of maxims: You can print out these two pages, fold than up, and keep then in your pocket. Well, maybe not, since nobody is really interested in writing MS-DOS-based games, anymore. But if you did, this would have been a handy guide to ensuring that your game doesn’t run on Windows 95.
1. The more confusing the error message, the better.
2. If it doesn’t run under Windows, then it’s Windows’fault.
3. Detect Windows, and crash.
4. Manuals are a waste of time.
5. Words in boldface don’t count.
6. Just because you’re a Windows application doesn’t mean that you have to be compatible with Windows.
7. Performance degradation is acceptable in the greater interest of not running on Windows 95.
8. If you’re going to do something wrong, do it wrong in as many different ways as possible.
9. Find a rule and break it as blatantly as possible.
10. The weirder your code, the harder it will be for the operating system to detect that you are about to do something stupid and rescue you.
11. Always look for the weirdest, most convoluted way of doing something. That way, you stand a good chance of doing it wrong.
12. It is better to be lucky than good.
13. Multitasking is for wimps.
14. Persistence may not help, but it’s fun.
15. Thrashing is good. It reminds the user that the computer is on.
16. Random addresses are harmless.
17. If you’re going to fail, do so as subtly as possible.
18. Do something that is supported only under Windows, and do it wrong.
19. Second-guess the specification whenever possible.
20. Knowledge of the English language is optional.
21. Well-behaved programs are for wimps.
22. Bite the hand that feeds you.
23. Words in italics don’t count.
24. If you can’t be subtle, then be blatant.
25. Intel will never release a new CPU.
26. Slower is better.
27. If you can’t convince the operating system to screw you up, take matters into your own hands.
28. Microsoft will never release a new version of the operating system.
29. The high words of 32-bit registers are always zero.
30. Even business applications can benefit from a boot disk.
31. Error checking is for wimps.
32. Don’t bother testing the error paths. The game is already over.
33. When faced with the unusual, self-destruct.
1. The more confusing the error message, the better.
2. If it doesn’t run under Windows, then it’s Windows’fault.
3. Detect Windows, and crash.
4. Manuals are a waste of time.
5. Words in boldface don’t count.
6. Just because you’re a Windows application doesn’t mean that you have to be compatible with Windows.
7. Performance degradation is acceptable in the greater interest of not running on Windows 95.
8. If you’re going to do something wrong, do it wrong in as many different ways as possible.
9. Find a rule and break it as blatantly as possible.
10. The weirder your code, the harder it will be for the operating system to detect that you are about to do something stupid and rescue you.
11. Always look for the weirdest, most convoluted way of doing something. That way, you stand a good chance of doing it wrong.
12. It is better to be lucky than good.
13. Multitasking is for wimps.
14. Persistence may not help, but it’s fun.
15. Thrashing is good. It reminds the user that the computer is on.
16. Random addresses are harmless.
17. If you’re going to fail, do so as subtly as possible.
18. Do something that is supported only under Windows, and do it wrong.
19. Second-guess the specification whenever possible.
20. Knowledge of the English language is optional.
21. Well-behaved programs are for wimps.
22. Bite the hand that feeds you.
23. Words in italics don’t count.
24. If you can’t be subtle, then be blatant.
25. Intel will never release a new CPU.
26. Slower is better.
27. If you can’t convince the operating system to screw you up, take matters into your own hands.
28. Microsoft will never release a new version of the operating system.
29. The high words of 32-bit registers are always zero.
30. Even business applications can benefit from a boot disk.
31. Error checking is for wimps.
32. Don’t bother testing the error paths. The game is already over.
33. When faced with the unusual, self-destruct.