I'm shocked at how many people seem to be doing OK or have minor complaints.
For me, I've realized that if I have to do anything for 40+ hours a week on a schedule, after a couple of weeks, I'd prefer being dead.
I could be a professional ice cream taste tester or race car driver, and after about 3 weeks of showing up at a fixed time and putting in 8 hours, I'd still be ready to off myself again.
When I have week-long breaks from work (like holidays mixed with PTO), I regain the will to live and there's so much I want to do, and I'm so sad about how much time I've wasted. I start projects, I start forming relationships, I feel happiness. Then I go back to work, and the suicidal tendencies are way stronger than before I left.
The best way for me to survive seems to never allow myself time off of work, because I dare not remind myself of what a free life would be like, or I might not be able to endure my current circumstances for another day.
I just don't understand how people function as workers in society. I hope I can retire before this kills me.
For me, I've realized that if I have to do anything for 40+ hours a week on a schedule, after a couple of weeks, I'd prefer being dead.
I could be a professional ice cream taste tester or race car driver, and after about 3 weeks of showing up at a fixed time and putting in 8 hours, I'd still be ready to off myself again.
When I have week-long breaks from work (like holidays mixed with PTO), I regain the will to live and there's so much I want to do, and I'm so sad about how much time I've wasted. I start projects, I start forming relationships, I feel happiness. Then I go back to work, and the suicidal tendencies are way stronger than before I left.
The best way for me to survive seems to never allow myself time off of work, because I dare not remind myself of what a free life would be like, or I might not be able to endure my current circumstances for another day.
I just don't understand how people function as workers in society. I hope I can retire before this kills me.