I am 20 years old and I am on my first job as a backend web developer. I feel crushed by it.
There aren't many people beside me who work on the same project. I feel like the code base is a mess. Bug fixing is really hard, because it's hard for me to understand what is happenining, and there are little to no logs left when a bug happens, and it feels very exhausting to think about how the software works even on a high level due to a lot of cases/weird behaviour in the code. It sometimes just feels impossible to find out why something happened when all I have is a stack trace and messy logic spread out in multiple different layers.
I've never worked before. I've never been actively part of a large and complex software project before. I do not know - is this normal ? Is it normal to be so hard to understand how it all works ? I am told that I am doing well on it - but I feel so uncertain about everything, because I have nothing to compare to.
I do not have many friends. Just two. And I feel lonely because of it. They are good friends, but we do not go out often together, we do not party often together. I do talk to them everyday, but wish to have something more, to do something more. It's hard for me to talk to people when I go out - lately I've been trying to be more open, more social and also lose some weight so I can at least like myself a little.
But right now, while this is clashing with my job. I cannot stop breaking down. Every week there is something - maybe something little that I cannot overcome and all of my problems start to come down on me. While previously I could struggle through the challenges at work and make it, now I just cannot stop thinking about all the things I do not like about myself, my friends and my job.
Do I try to leave my job ? My colleagues are good people and from what I can tell are very skilled developers. I might lose a good opportunity to learn a lot. I need income too and other companies might not be better off.
There aren't many people beside me who work on the same project. I feel like the code base is a mess. Bug fixing is really hard, because it's hard for me to understand what is happenining, and there are little to no logs left when a bug happens, and it feels very exhausting to think about how the software works even on a high level due to a lot of cases/weird behaviour in the code. It sometimes just feels impossible to find out why something happened when all I have is a stack trace and messy logic spread out in multiple different layers.
I've never worked before. I've never been actively part of a large and complex software project before. I do not know - is this normal ? Is it normal to be so hard to understand how it all works ? I am told that I am doing well on it - but I feel so uncertain about everything, because I have nothing to compare to.
I do not have many friends. Just two. And I feel lonely because of it. They are good friends, but we do not go out often together, we do not party often together. I do talk to them everyday, but wish to have something more, to do something more. It's hard for me to talk to people when I go out - lately I've been trying to be more open, more social and also lose some weight so I can at least like myself a little.
But right now, while this is clashing with my job. I cannot stop breaking down. Every week there is something - maybe something little that I cannot overcome and all of my problems start to come down on me. While previously I could struggle through the challenges at work and make it, now I just cannot stop thinking about all the things I do not like about myself, my friends and my job.
Do I try to leave my job ? My colleagues are good people and from what I can tell are very skilled developers. I might lose a good opportunity to learn a lot. I need income too and other companies might not be better off.