> For seven months, I didn’t leave the house. I had started ordering my groceries online. I didn’t have any reason to go anywhere. I wasn’t agoraphobic or afraid to leave my apartment. I just didn’t feel like it.
This has been me for the last few months. I just can't bring myself to do things I hate lately. I hate breathing cold, dry winter air and feeling it on my face, I hate being accosted on the street for cash, I hate the loud construction noise, I hate navigating through crowds of people and cars, I hate the overwhelming smells from exhaust and food trucks. I was able to deal with it for a while because I knew the expectations that came with living in a city like Seattle. It's just that the downsides are so many, and the upsides are so few. I want to preserve the facilities I have for doing things that I like and that allow me to make a living.
I'm hoping an upcoming move I've got planned will make it more pleasurable to engage with other people more regularly, but protecting my well-being still has to come first. I'm so incredibly fortunate to have a career that allows me enough income to offload menial things like shopping for groceries. I feel terrible for those of us on the spectrum without that option, as if I couldn't live this way I would end up being entirely dependent on my spouse or family. I can imagine that burning out + feeling guilty about being a burden financially makes recovery from that state even more difficult.
This has been me for the last few months. I just can't bring myself to do things I hate lately. I hate breathing cold, dry winter air and feeling it on my face, I hate being accosted on the street for cash, I hate the loud construction noise, I hate navigating through crowds of people and cars, I hate the overwhelming smells from exhaust and food trucks. I was able to deal with it for a while because I knew the expectations that came with living in a city like Seattle. It's just that the downsides are so many, and the upsides are so few. I want to preserve the facilities I have for doing things that I like and that allow me to make a living.
I'm hoping an upcoming move I've got planned will make it more pleasurable to engage with other people more regularly, but protecting my well-being still has to come first. I'm so incredibly fortunate to have a career that allows me enough income to offload menial things like shopping for groceries. I feel terrible for those of us on the spectrum without that option, as if I couldn't live this way I would end up being entirely dependent on my spouse or family. I can imagine that burning out + feeling guilty about being a burden financially makes recovery from that state even more difficult.