I think you can. I changed the very dynamic of my family by changing myself. I grew up with a snippy and grouchy mother, and so I was a snippy and grouchy parent. But when I saw my kids treating eachother poorly for far too long, and nothing I did fixed anything. I changed my tactics completely.
I stopped being grouchy and snippy. Or at least at first I stopped expressing myself this way to them. I was determined to end this trend, no matter what. After a few months (literally) of me not raising my voice, unless it was totally and completely justified (which I discovered was very rare) I could then say to my kids (and wife), I expect you to talk nice and decently to eachother, and as soon as they accused me of being grouchy, I pointed out that I hadn't been for months, and something changed, everyone started to listen to me, even when I talked quietly.
I've become a morning person, I started jogging about 5 years ago (I hated exercise), I stopped eating white sugar in 1995 (because it was controlling me like a narcotic), and I have worked on many of my other bad habits and traits. I think anyone can change anything. And I really like reading about other people's successes in self change as well.
Everything from quitting smoking, losing weight, success in work and relationships brought back from the brink of destruction. We just need enough of a reason to do something, and then we can do it.
The trick seems to be, can you make up your own reasons? I know we can. (also I defeated crippling life long depression, food addictions, weight loss, and few other things many people want to label "diseases" we have no cure for or control over, I call bologna on that, we can change anything.)
I stopped being grouchy and snippy. Or at least at first I stopped expressing myself this way to them. I was determined to end this trend, no matter what. After a few months (literally) of me not raising my voice, unless it was totally and completely justified (which I discovered was very rare) I could then say to my kids (and wife), I expect you to talk nice and decently to eachother, and as soon as they accused me of being grouchy, I pointed out that I hadn't been for months, and something changed, everyone started to listen to me, even when I talked quietly.
I've become a morning person, I started jogging about 5 years ago (I hated exercise), I stopped eating white sugar in 1995 (because it was controlling me like a narcotic), and I have worked on many of my other bad habits and traits. I think anyone can change anything. And I really like reading about other people's successes in self change as well.
Everything from quitting smoking, losing weight, success in work and relationships brought back from the brink of destruction. We just need enough of a reason to do something, and then we can do it.
The trick seems to be, can you make up your own reasons? I know we can. (also I defeated crippling life long depression, food addictions, weight loss, and few other things many people want to label "diseases" we have no cure for or control over, I call bologna on that, we can change anything.)