Treatment is not unlikely to work. It just takes a lot of time, and it requires you find a therapist you wife trusts and who will engage with your wife in the way she needs.
At the very least it sounds like your wife has critically low-selfesteem which would be part of BPD.
If there is any way at all you can get her in a therapeutic environment, that would be a profoundly important gift to her . The life of a person with BPD is not destined to be a happy one, they're living like a cornered mouse for most of it and are really in harms way. They're likely to keep traumatizing themselves. To have a person who cares to prevent that is the greatest gift a person with BPD can have.
My offhand suggestion is that you try therapy for yourself for a session and get some advice from a therapist. Keep moving between them until it's useful. It could be that you find away to have a couples therapy that is ostensibly for you but your wife might open up there.
At the very least it sounds like your wife has critically low-selfesteem which would be part of BPD.
If there is any way at all you can get her in a therapeutic environment, that would be a profoundly important gift to her . The life of a person with BPD is not destined to be a happy one, they're living like a cornered mouse for most of it and are really in harms way. They're likely to keep traumatizing themselves. To have a person who cares to prevent that is the greatest gift a person with BPD can have.
My offhand suggestion is that you try therapy for yourself for a session and get some advice from a therapist. Keep moving between them until it's useful. It could be that you find away to have a couples therapy that is ostensibly for you but your wife might open up there.