As someone who had a close personal relationship with a borderline for years: get out. A divorce will be nasty, particularly with a borderline, but a lifetime spent with such a person will not be a happy one.
With any kind of mental health, the person “suffering” from it has to be the one who wants treatment, and with BPD, most of the suffering ends up outsourced to others, which eliminates that motivation.
I know this is hard to hear, but part of BPD is an inability to form healthy relationships. The flip side is that it takes two people to maintain an unhealthy relationship. You’re not helping her by staying in this marriage; at best, you’re enabling her and at worst, you’re suffering from her mental illness at least as much as she is.
With any kind of mental health, the person “suffering” from it has to be the one who wants treatment, and with BPD, most of the suffering ends up outsourced to others, which eliminates that motivation.
I know this is hard to hear, but part of BPD is an inability to form healthy relationships. The flip side is that it takes two people to maintain an unhealthy relationship. You’re not helping her by staying in this marriage; at best, you’re enabling her and at worst, you’re suffering from her mental illness at least as much as she is.