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Ask HN: How Did You Think About Having Children?

I'm noticing that it seems to be a serious competitive disadvantage to have children if you're in tech. You get more locked in to your path, can't take as many risks, and may have a lot less free time to experiment and improve. That doesn't even factor in time for more personal things like exercise, reading, having hobbies, meeting/making friends, vacationing, etc. You obviously have to commit to being a lot more selfless once you have children.

If someone is in their 30s, married, but hasn't hit their really time-intensive stretch goals (be it entrepreneurship, financial independence, becoming an industry leader, achieving a senior title, and so on), how should (s)he approach the decision? What are the ways you can stay competitive and dynamic? What compromises are unavoidable? Is it unreasonable to expect to be both professionally successful as well as a great parent? Under what circumstances would it be advisable to delay? How long? Should a really ambitious person seriously consider not having children at all?

Child birth is probably the most consequential inflection point in peoples' lives and yet many seem to rush into it headlong without asking the right questions. I'm sure there's some great collective wisdom out there on the subject. It would be especially helpful to hear from people who decided to remain childless.

37 points sp527 9 years ago 58 comments

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