FYI, I've updated the log since this post. Google has refunded me since December and is offering free 1TB for two years. They told me to use Backup and Sync, releasing today, which should solve these problems. I appreciate the refund+free years and have my fingers crossed with the update. I hope they also internalize how broken their support process is, but I'm doubtful.
If B+S doesn't work I'll likely figure out how to sync everything (it's going to be painful, but there are a lot of options in the comment, thanks) and move to a different product.
If B+S doesn't work I'll likely figure out how to sync everything (it's going to be painful, but there are a lot of options in the comment, thanks) and move to a different product.