It seems like a lot of anxiety issues, including this case, arise from the following internal monologue: "I am not as good as my peers at skill A. My peers are aware that I'm lacking in this area and judge me negatively for it."
From what I've seen (in this thread and in real life), people mostly combat this internal monologue in a couple ways that ignore reality (at times):
Counter Belief #1) I'm not as bad at skill A as I thought. (e.g. look at all these examples where I did well at skill A)
Problem: If the reality of the situation is that you aren't actually lacking in skill, this works. However, if your peers legitimately outclass you, you're just tricking yourself -- which presumably won't work for long.
Counter Belief #2) My peers are aware that I lack skill A, but are not negatively judging me for it. (e.g. what evidence do i have that they're judging me? they're probably just thinking about themselves all day)
Problem: This works when your peers aren't actively negatively judging you. But, how are we to determine if that's the case? Lack of evidence isn't proof at all -- especially in a work environment, social norms are that they won't express negative criticism to you (even if you ask for feedback). Certainly, there are environments where your peers ARE indeed actively negatively judging you in which case this counter belief does not work.
What is the right way to cope in a situation where reality is:
1) you ARE outclassed by your peers
2) your peers ARE judging you for it
One solution seems to be to get better at the skill than your peers. However, this isn't foolproof if you don't have the resources to do so.
The more foolproof solution seems to be:
1) learn to stop comparing yourself to your peers. your self-esteem should not depend on the relative amount of skill you possess to your peers
2) learn to stop caring what your peers think of you. your self-esteem should not be dependent on outward signals like this.
However, this seems REALLY hard to execute. How does one develop these sets of beliefs? Are there other logical solutions?
From what I've seen (in this thread and in real life), people mostly combat this internal monologue in a couple ways that ignore reality (at times):
Counter Belief #1) I'm not as bad at skill A as I thought. (e.g. look at all these examples where I did well at skill A)
Problem: If the reality of the situation is that you aren't actually lacking in skill, this works. However, if your peers legitimately outclass you, you're just tricking yourself -- which presumably won't work for long.
Counter Belief #2) My peers are aware that I lack skill A, but are not negatively judging me for it. (e.g. what evidence do i have that they're judging me? they're probably just thinking about themselves all day)
Problem: This works when your peers aren't actively negatively judging you. But, how are we to determine if that's the case? Lack of evidence isn't proof at all -- especially in a work environment, social norms are that they won't express negative criticism to you (even if you ask for feedback). Certainly, there are environments where your peers ARE indeed actively negatively judging you in which case this counter belief does not work.
What is the right way to cope in a situation where reality is: 1) you ARE outclassed by your peers 2) your peers ARE judging you for it
One solution seems to be to get better at the skill than your peers. However, this isn't foolproof if you don't have the resources to do so.
The more foolproof solution seems to be: 1) learn to stop comparing yourself to your peers. your self-esteem should not depend on the relative amount of skill you possess to your peers 2) learn to stop caring what your peers think of you. your self-esteem should not be dependent on outward signals like this.
However, this seems REALLY hard to execute. How does one develop these sets of beliefs? Are there other logical solutions?